Bloggin' Ain't Easy



Hey All,

Sorry I've skipped a day. Or was it two? I know how you all sit by your computers with baited breath, waiting for my pearls of wisdom and such. I've come to realize, bloggin' ain't easy. I don't know how some of these committed bloggers do it. After working all day and coming home, processing all of the day's "ado", I can barely think, let alone think of something witty or even coherent to say. Lately, I've been spending more time sitting in front of my laptop, thinking of what to write, than writing. So, once I got through Week One of "the cleanse", I took a little break from writing everyday. Not from the cleanse, but from whining about the cleanse. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. But I digress...

Are we still all here? I am. Try as I might to find not just a loophole, but an escape clause in this contract, I can't seem to maneuver it. I turned down cake...again. Not just any cake. Wedding cake!! One of my co-workers just so happens to be taking a cake decorating class. She brings wedding cake to work!!!!! Wouldn't you know it? Right in the middle of the boot camp.

Who passes on wedding cake? Have I been brainwashed? Is Kristie practicing some kind of mind-control. You know, I was just thinking. Food deprivation is a form of mind-control. Just sayin'. I mean, you know it's happening when you think something bad is going to happen if you go against the teachings of the "Swami". Or to put it another way, things just seem to block your escape.

Like this kind of stuff. I was visiting my mom just around dinner time. I brought an apple and some almonds until I could get home to make my own dinner. I hadn't planned a long visit because I didn't want to be tempted by the Gumbo Queen/Goddess of Salt. There is nothing in her home that doesn't give you high blood pressure. And her neighbors, sweet Karen and Rosita, always have a pot of something simmering on the stove. Don't get me wrong. These ladies can all burn and they take care of each other. It's a potluck everyday in those parts. One should be so lucky. And they love their beer. So that's a double whammy, I was in the epicenter of the "non-regulation" food capital of the world. So, I didn't want to stay and I was afraid to go home. I had to drive past a McDonald's.

Bless their hearts, they were "puttin' their foot" in one of the healthiest dishes I'd ever witnessed inside those apartment walls. a stew of...you guessed it...beans! Oh, how I gave thanks for this manna from heaven. The stew was an intermingling of healthy red kidney beans, tomatoes, fresh peppers, onions, seasonings (dare I guess Sazon'?)...oh and...olives. That's right, olives. SNAP! Compliments of Rosita. They served it over sautéed, lightly floured, chicken breast. I skipped the rice. It had been pre-ordained and I was having an out of body experience. See, what I mean?

I've been waiting to eat any bean that doesn't start with "string" for seven days. And there it was. Now, mind you. I had a pan of 16 bean soup mix soaking in my own kitchen to slow cook in a crock pot for today. Remember that neck bone, I've been hinting at? Not a word from the "Swami", except the Week Two menu, which made no mention of neck bones. I'm one of those "ask for forgiveness, rather than permission" types and I love my loopholes. But, I have to admit, I planned out-right defiance. Straight-up indignation! A mutiny! I dug that pre-cleanse package of smoked pork neck bones out of the freezer and vowed to righteously seek forgiveness...one day. Who's to know?

Well, here's what I'm getting at when I tell you how this brain-washing thing works. I jumped out of bed this morning with my feet planted defiantly on the floor. I ran to the kitchen, threw in one neck bone and then another for good measure. That'll show her! I tossed in my seasonings, plugged the crockpot in and dashed off to work. I rolled into my driveway and about 5pm. Bounded up the steps to the kitchen. There it was. My pot of defiance. Cold as ice! With an 8 hour old, neck bone poking through the top. WTH_ _ _ _? Apparently, the outlet was on the fritz. I have two kitchens (it's a long story). Two! And that's the plug that wasn't working? Where dey do dat at?

You call this one, people. I don't know what to think. Hmmm? Well....okay. I suppose it's not really the insidious result of Kristie's diabolical brainwashing. If your motives are pure, nice, little ladies invite you and your mom to a nice, healthy dinner. If you're cheating, it's called Karma. You get caught before you can even cheat. You get punished before you even get caught. You wind up with no dinner for tonight. No motivation to cook fish, again. You wind up with nothing to chew on except disappointment, the pulp from my smoothie, and a boiled egg...the culinary equivalent of a "boneless chicken dinner".

So that's my start of Week Two. We all know what I need to do to get through this week and then the next. I need to lay off the denial and the sweets and the brainwashing conspiracy theories. I need to find out whether that habit theory might just be true, too. Besides, the saggy pants, I know something's working. One of my co-workers walked up to me and asked, "So, how much weight have you lost?". I was awestruck. Just like that, I realized that it is good to get a karmic hand smacking. It was destiny. It was right on time.

How is Week Two going for you?