"I got excited about the "tankini" until I realized it's not a drink"...... Maxine (© Hallmark Cards)
Ya gotta love Maxine....the all around, in your face, put it in perspective, crab-ass, love me or bite me, tell it like it is, Hallmark card guru! Who doesn't search out Maxine for a pick me up or a little "less than sage" advice just when we need it? I know I do. And God bless my friends for sending me a Maxine "maxim" at the most perfect times. When I was searching for a topic today, all I had to do was look through my old emails from my closest girlfriends and from each of them, yes each of them, there was a Maxine quote. I love you ladies!
It's June, and to me summer is almost over. It goes by so fast that I can hardly get everything in. There are steak fry's, graduation parties, camping trips, happy hours on the patio...I'm teaching a college course and I even signed up for a motorcycle class in July. And there's the much anticipated 50th birthday cruise. Yep 50!!!! and I'm not ashamed. I'm looking good. And even though I can't be sure that the look of shock and awe on some faces isn't feigned, I'll take what I can get. The gasp, follwed by..."girl, you don't look anywhere near 50" sounds as true as if it came from "the burning bush" on two tablets. and lie or not, this year, I'm taking it to heart. Why not, I don't feel 50, so why should I look 50? The "Lifestyle Lift" is years away, I don't need it...yet. As Maxine would say, "I'd never be young again.....unless it somehow became possible".
At this point, I'm working my fanny off to lose ten more pounds. My main goal is to wear a bikini on the cruise. I have until August and me, Weight Watchers and the Powerhouse Gym have teamed up in a frantic effort to get there. I've seen many a 50 year old in a bikini, some obviously have no friends at all, let alone a best friend, but these days, more often than not, these 50 year olds ain't got nuthin' to be ashamed of. Now, some of them have stretch marks that will make you weep, but hey, they are lines marking the roads traveled, in my eyes. So, booo-yah! In the alternative, there is the profoundly accomodating "tankini", the marraige between the bikini and the tank-top. Say what you will, but if you're brave, you can even show a bit of belly while camouflaging the oh, so stubborn remnants of the dreaded love-handle. I fully intend on showing off both my belly AND my belly ring (well, when I get one).
Now, here's the rub. How do I maneuver that? Remember the rules?! I can't buy anything and I can't accept gift cards but I can accept gifts. My serious "tight-girl", sounding board and life coach, Jody, a lawyer, knows a loop-hole when she sees one and swiftly set out a plan. This is a woman who lives by the rule, "if the shoe fits, buy it in every color". So, we are going shopping. I haven't set foot in a store that sells clothes (besides Wal-Mart) in six months. I'm getting the shakes just thinking about it. And all of my friends are pitching in to buy my gift. Now those are "best friends". They are shopping fiends and would be happy to let me live vicariously through them, if you can call it that, when I'm the recipient. But you know what I mean. I'm so excited. And boy do I need a good shopping trip. I don't think I can be disqualified for that. If so, you can take it up with my lawyer.
My close friends know this month has been busy and hectic for me and I am stressing. They are there. All around me, reaching towards me with their credit cards stretched out in one hand and the other reaching to the sky in prayer and hopes of strength and triumph. But they are pushing me to get what I need done, so I can relax and do what we do best...drink and talk lots of crap. So, they're not letting me give up, pound-wise or motivation-wise. According to another of my tight-girls emails, one of the ten rules to live by is, "when life gets you down - just put on your big girl panties and deal with it". So, if it's big girl panties or a "tankini" instead of a bikini.....I gotta deal with it. And I'm pretty okay with that rule.
To my sister, all of my sister friends, everyone I love and everyone who loves me, you are all awesome. Now, post a real recipe for a "tankini".....Remember, I'm a vodka drinker. You can use Splenda :)
