Keep Calm and Count The Days Until The Chocolate

My Kryptonite

We're done! "The 21 Day Clean Eating Challenge" is officially over. After all of the negotiations and whining and waiting, I did it. I did cheat...a little. I can't lie. Too many people saw me scarf down those tater-tots at the Feve on Friday (a potato is a vegetable). You know I tried. There are lots of people who can attest to that, too...and it's in writing. Right? I want to thank Kristie Duffy, Healthy Mind, Body and Soul with KristieFitness and all of her devoted followers. Kristie rocks. It's rare that I follow through on a challenge. Ask my co-workers; who comes in dead last at the workplace "Biggest Loser" competition every year? I wind up owing them money...it's a long story. And every year, I vow to run a 5K, too. Oh, but, just ask the ambulance driver at every 5K race I've ever run. They give me the look as I drag, dead last across the finish line...."Lady, either move it or fake a heart attack. We got things to do".

Kristie asked us to just try to "finish strong". I didn't want to disappoint her. So, I finished "fairly" strong. Sorry, Kristie, I think I gained weight. It could be my imagination. Or it could be the huge pot of 16 bean soup I ate...all week. You can tell me what I can't have. But, tell me what I can have and I can guarantee that I'll overdose on that too. I won't even bother with the "after" picture. It didn't change. I know that because those pants that were "on the ground" last week...are not. It could change tomorrow. Who knows?

I guess I know how I wound up gaining weight on a "cleanse". See, what had happened was...it all started with a peanut butter and Merlot jelly sandwich. I made homemade jelly, I had to try it (FYI, there is no alcohol in wine jelly). Anyway, the sugar craving spiraled into Hostess cupcakes and a bag of chocolate covered pomegranate seeds. I tried to wait. It was useless. I knew I should have blogged every day. It keeps me honest. Left to my own, I am powerless.

Acceptance is the first step to recovery. I just have to test the theory out now and again. It is as it always is. I feel crappy when I eat sugar and I shouldn't eat sugar. Chocolate is my kryptonite. "Hi, I'm Char and I am a chocoholic (and a 16 bean-a-holic)".

Now, a few of us are starting week one over again. I think I will too. I feel much better, in spite of a few slip-ups. And I got to know a group of faithful, supportive ladies who pulled each other up when any of us fell. Isn't that the whole point? I'll say...I've been to more meetings, luncheons, events and ceremonies in this last 3 weeks than my body would ever have allowed had it been weighed down by junk. I would have made an excuse, grabbed the remote and hunkered down with bowl after bowl of generic vanilla ice cream (in the $3.99 big gallon bucket from Drug Mart). Then, the sugar would make me hot and neither the air condition, the fan nor an open window would have given me any relief. I didn't. I got up, dressed up and showed up. I didn't let anyone down. And I lifted a whole lot of causes up...women, breast cancer, domestic violence, youth programs, community relations, ethics. I did it all, "because I said I would".

I'll be checking in periodically on my next attempt to be free and fell good. I'll be laid up for a few weeks. Nothing earth shattering, just some plumbing problems. If my husband cooperates, I plan to be pampered and spoiled, as the "Oompa Loompas" say, like a Siamese Cat. Lots of fruit and veggies and smoothies, rest and relaxation.

I'll leave you, my friends with this. I may not have reached my ultimate weight loss goal but I didn't fail, I learned. And in spite of myself, I gathered some data. Not like math statistics...Oh God, no! More like an algorithm...eat too many sweets, get hot, feel miserable, slow down, and pull yourself out of your community. We're all better than that. Our community needs healthy leaders, now more than ever. We need to help our cities, our youth, our friends and our sisters. But you gotta put your own oxygen mask on first. Ya know? Then you get out and help somebody. Get involved. Do it with energy and enthusiasm. And go ahead...reward yourself with a little chocolate treat. You don't need to overdo it.

Here are a few sites to get you started:
https://becauseisaidiwould.com/
http://ww5.komen.org/
http://www.lcfreeclinic.org/
http://www.thehotline.org/
http://nul.iamempowered.com/content/national-council-urban-league-guilds-mission-history-and-vision

Thanks to all of you who checked in and cheered me on. Thanks again, Kristie. I'm always up for another challenge. #WEGOTTHIS. Keep Calm and Count The Days Until The Chocolate.

Week Three-Finish Strong!

Kale? Who knew?

 

Week Three! Who's still out there? It's been quite an experience. And it's been fun, I have to admit. I was telling someone about this experience yesterday. I found myself doing a mini-"air PowerPoint" presentation about all of the benefits I've counted;

• Stabilized blood sugars
• A few pounds shed
• New energy
• An awareness of what should and should not go into my body
• Hope that I can build on this new foundation







I spoke animatedly and waxed poetic about how I'd overcome my skepticism and sense of deprivation. I actually said out loud that I looked forward to, of all things, smoothies and beans.

Let me be clear...I'm not a model convert. I have been motivated to exercise on some days and defiantly thrown myself in bed and under my covers on others. Over the course of last Thursday and Friday, navigating the back to back reception, luncheon and dinner was like playing "whack-a-mole". There's always a pasta dish, or potato, chicken wings and a wilting "lettuce-only" salad the size of a bottle cap. During the luncheon I had to go into the kitchen and beg for more cucumbers. If you ask a server for more of anything and they give you a blank stare, you know what comes next..."uh well, you can ask the kitchen?" That translates to, "Are you kidding? I ain't going in there. That lady has a knife". I did what I had to do. The customer is always right. I couldn't show any fear. I got more cucumbers and more mushrooms. It's all about the approach.

I advocated for myself at the luncheon. I gave in to a few chicken wings at the reception, totally lost my resolve with the roast beef at the dinner. But ladies (and gentlemen), I have met the devil and his name is "Apple Pie". I tried. Anyone sitting at my table can tell you that. Those who had just listened to my diatribe on clean eating until their eyes glazed over, sat dumbstruck, speechless, while I inhaled that heaping piece of pie. The first gooey, sweet delectable treat I'd had in 12 days. While they were picking out which fork to use for dessert,  I was done before they could pass the coffee carafe around the table.

Kristie says that a slip up is normal and you just have to get up, dust yourself off and get back on track. Don't I know it. That's usually the point where I declare that apple pie is actually a granola bar since it's made of apples and the wheat flour crust is a grain. This would be where I usually get off the bus. I usually believe that I had done irreparable damage to the process, especially since, after the three wings, I swear I could hear a seam rip in my pants. I didn't this time. What I heard was probably guilt and Kristie.

I have been mostly true to my cleanse (with those minor exceptions) and I'm past the point of no return. I got back on track. I restocked and recommitted to the upcoming week. More organic carrot juice, more protein powder, almonds, veggies, apples, etc. I found a new coconut/almond milk blend. I got some weird looks when I did a little happy dance in the dairy aisle. The real celebration came at the frozen fruit aisle at Wal-Mart. I reached for my usual bag of low-glycemic index fruits; blueberries, strawberries and raspberries. I gasped and then exclaimed, "Oh, snap! Whaaaat up?! It's on now. Go, Char! Go Char!". And then, oblivious to the shock, wonder and amusement of the marketers surrounding me, I did the "cabbage patch". I had found the TRUTH...Wyman's frozen whole fruit blend with KALE...only 15 grams of carbohydrates and no added sugars. Right?! More and more companies out there are finally taking this smoothie thing seriously. Now, go ahead. You know you want to...DANCE.

We've got one more week to go. Week three hasn't changed much from last week. I'm sure I can do this. I'm sure "we" can do this, "Clean Eaters". My poor husband has had a reckoning, a moment of clarity. Finally, he's noticing, two weeks later, as men are wont to do, declaring, "I bought some more apples and some veggies. I'm gonna have to start eating like you, less sugars". He asked, "uh, apples, don't have too much sugar, do they?" He's going to need a bit of work.

Let's take our show on the road. Let's get all "gussied up" in our skinny jeans and hit a restaurant, a club, or a nice blues/jazz joint. Start thinking about that. Let's celebrate!

Good luck, everyone. Finish strong!

Bloggin' Ain't Easy



Hey All,

Sorry I've skipped a day. Or was it two? I know how you all sit by your computers with baited breath, waiting for my pearls of wisdom and such. I've come to realize, bloggin' ain't easy. I don't know how some of these committed bloggers do it. After working all day and coming home, processing all of the day's "ado", I can barely think, let alone think of something witty or even coherent to say. Lately, I've been spending more time sitting in front of my laptop, thinking of what to write, than writing. So, once I got through Week One of "the cleanse", I took a little break from writing everyday. Not from the cleanse, but from whining about the cleanse. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. But I digress...

Are we still all here? I am. Try as I might to find not just a loophole, but an escape clause in this contract, I can't seem to maneuver it. I turned down cake...again. Not just any cake. Wedding cake!! One of my co-workers just so happens to be taking a cake decorating class. She brings wedding cake to work!!!!! Wouldn't you know it? Right in the middle of the boot camp.

Who passes on wedding cake? Have I been brainwashed? Is Kristie practicing some kind of mind-control. You know, I was just thinking. Food deprivation is a form of mind-control. Just sayin'. I mean, you know it's happening when you think something bad is going to happen if you go against the teachings of the "Swami". Or to put it another way, things just seem to block your escape.

Like this kind of stuff. I was visiting my mom just around dinner time. I brought an apple and some almonds until I could get home to make my own dinner. I hadn't planned a long visit because I didn't want to be tempted by the Gumbo Queen/Goddess of Salt. There is nothing in her home that doesn't give you high blood pressure. And her neighbors, sweet Karen and Rosita, always have a pot of something simmering on the stove. Don't get me wrong. These ladies can all burn and they take care of each other. It's a potluck everyday in those parts. One should be so lucky. And they love their beer. So that's a double whammy, I was in the epicenter of the "non-regulation" food capital of the world. So, I didn't want to stay and I was afraid to go home. I had to drive past a McDonald's.

Bless their hearts, they were "puttin' their foot" in one of the healthiest dishes I'd ever witnessed inside those apartment walls. a stew of...you guessed it...beans! Oh, how I gave thanks for this manna from heaven. The stew was an intermingling of healthy red kidney beans, tomatoes, fresh peppers, onions, seasonings (dare I guess Sazon'?)...oh and...olives. That's right, olives. SNAP! Compliments of Rosita. They served it over sautéed, lightly floured, chicken breast. I skipped the rice. It had been pre-ordained and I was having an out of body experience. See, what I mean?

I've been waiting to eat any bean that doesn't start with "string" for seven days. And there it was. Now, mind you. I had a pan of 16 bean soup mix soaking in my own kitchen to slow cook in a crock pot for today. Remember that neck bone, I've been hinting at? Not a word from the "Swami", except the Week Two menu, which made no mention of neck bones. I'm one of those "ask for forgiveness, rather than permission" types and I love my loopholes. But, I have to admit, I planned out-right defiance. Straight-up indignation! A mutiny! I dug that pre-cleanse package of smoked pork neck bones out of the freezer and vowed to righteously seek forgiveness...one day. Who's to know?

Well, here's what I'm getting at when I tell you how this brain-washing thing works. I jumped out of bed this morning with my feet planted defiantly on the floor. I ran to the kitchen, threw in one neck bone and then another for good measure. That'll show her! I tossed in my seasonings, plugged the crockpot in and dashed off to work. I rolled into my driveway and about 5pm. Bounded up the steps to the kitchen. There it was. My pot of defiance. Cold as ice! With an 8 hour old, neck bone poking through the top. WTH_ _ _ _? Apparently, the outlet was on the fritz. I have two kitchens (it's a long story). Two! And that's the plug that wasn't working? Where dey do dat at?

You call this one, people. I don't know what to think. Hmmm? Well....okay. I suppose it's not really the insidious result of Kristie's diabolical brainwashing. If your motives are pure, nice, little ladies invite you and your mom to a nice, healthy dinner. If you're cheating, it's called Karma. You get caught before you can even cheat. You get punished before you even get caught. You wind up with no dinner for tonight. No motivation to cook fish, again. You wind up with nothing to chew on except disappointment, the pulp from my smoothie, and a boiled egg...the culinary equivalent of a "boneless chicken dinner".

So that's my start of Week Two. We all know what I need to do to get through this week and then the next. I need to lay off the denial and the sweets and the brainwashing conspiracy theories. I need to find out whether that habit theory might just be true, too. Besides, the saggy pants, I know something's working. One of my co-workers walked up to me and asked, "So, how much weight have you lost?". I was awestruck. Just like that, I realized that it is good to get a karmic hand smacking. It was destiny. It was right on time.

How is Week Two going for you?

Pants On The Ground! Pants On The Ground!

Sorry, I missed blogging yesterday, all. I was tired. I went to a Free Clinic steak fry to volunteer at the basket raffle table. All of my energy went into pulling those tickets, sitting up straight and lifting up my fellow volunteers. See how I worked those action words in? Clever, huh? I think that's worth some exercise credit. Pushing away the steak and baked potato just wore me out. It didn't wear me down. I brought it all home for my husband, plus a big slice of Mama Jo's apple pie. Okay, I'll admit it. A little dollop of pie filling got on my thumb. Yeah, that's right...I licked it off.

I woke up today feeling rested and guilt-free. I had lots to do. I was going to try to run interference. It didn't actually constitute running, but at a meeting I had this morning, I ran into someone real close to our fearless leader. She will remain nameless (but her name rhymes with Darlene). I tried to persuade "rhymes with Darlene" to try to reason with Kristie on the neck bone thing. She #wasnthavinit! With a waive of her hand and a hearty chuckle, she exclaimed, "I understand, honey. There's nothing I can do for you. I tried it...y'all can have it!" Then, we went about our meeting business. Now, if "rhymes with Darlene" can't help us, nobody can.

During my meeting, I noticed another little bit of exercise. I kept pulling my pants up. I was annoyed. The same kind of annoyed you get when your pantyhose keep rolling down. It didn't dawn on me that they didn't fit. They kept falling down. I kept pulling them up. That's it!!! That's what I needed. After all of the deprivation, I realized that I needed to see results to stay motivated. Doesn't everyone? It's not that you have to be promised the perfect results. It's that, while I knew that if I kept at it, something would happen, I couldn't see past what I wasn't eating. I know "something" will happen every Sunday, when I go on a diet, vowing to give up, "fill in the blank". I rarely commit and as always. I wasn't eating, a lot of stuff; meat, tater tots, Snicker bars, ice cream, artificial sweeteners, donuts and work cake. Everyone knows what work cake is, right? The cake that shows up for somebody's birthday...everyday.

Now, I am eating a lot. I tried to go over Kristie's head. That didn't work. I tried to negotiate beans and chocolate with her. That didn't work. I tried whining. You know that didn't work. All I had to do was surrender a bit. Surrender to the notion that, I have eaten fun, comfort, unhealthy foods all of my life. I do mean my whole life...in law school, I lived off of coffee, cigarettes, McDonald's and Entenmann's frozen chocolate cake. A few weeks of goodness won't kill me. The menu is posted. So, you know what a culinary pittance one can exist on. I guess this one week of "goodness" surprised me. My blood sugar stabilized. And I found time to cook. I sort of enjoyed it. Well, "enjoy" is a strong word. Let's just say, these days, I'm calling my husband to the table with less attitude. Like "dinner is ready". Not, "Come eat, tsk!"

Salmon and Tilapia with a few vegetables takes a deceptively meager amount of time to prepare. I found a gazillion seasonings in my cupboard. I don't remember what I bought cardamom or caraway seed for. I used curry powder yesterday that had expired in 1996. Hey, that didn't kill me either. I found a whole new respect for almond and coconut milk and I never was so excited for permission to eat a bean tomorrow when week two starts. I see there's a new regulation menu item. Something called quinoa. Can you use cardamom or caraway seed to cook quinoa? Hey Kristie, how about that smoked neck bone?

Keep up the good work ladies!

Playing Possum

I was very good today. You would all be so proud...Salad, smoothies, egg, tilapia, spinach, nuts, water. If the topic hadn't kept me engaged, I might have hit up the cookie table, just to stay awake. These days, there are enough U.S. Constitutional Law cases to keep the fur flying for hours...gay marriage, Hobby Lobby, Stop and Frisk, abortion, Affordable Health Care, gun control, you name it. However, I or anyone might stand on any of those topics, here's my perspective; I paid attention, looked at both sides and stayed away from the cookies. That's a good thing,

Truthfully, I could eat anything right now. But, the day is almost over. I think I might make it. 
I was lucky enough to distract myself with some re-runs of The Beverly Hillbillies. I just love Granny. I'm so hungry, her possum sandwich and gopher gravy sounded appetizing. If you haven't watched them in a while, turn to TVLand. Just as your stomach starts to grumble and you find yourself getting a bit dizzy, lie down on the floor or your nearest fainting couch and laugh you a$$ off. Do 30 minutes of sit ups, too and get it over with. I laughed so hard, I think it was worth a few extra sit ups. Uncle Jed's lines are pure gold, "He lies so much, somebody else has to call his dog to him."

By the way, I have to settle for sit-ups and some upper body stuff for right now. No excuses. t's something, at least. Being the honeymoon girl that I am, I got all "gussied up" in my pink outfit, as Granny would say and over-did it on the treadmill. My knee is a little swollen. I'll give it a little rest and start up again. Gradually, like I should've in the first place.

I'm worried about my knee. What if I wind up like my dog, Sydney? My poor pooch has an ACL tear on his knee. Poor little fat boy. Like his human mommy, he was a little over indulged with treats. And like me, he over-did it on the exercise routine when he first started. Long story short, the vet refuses to repair his knee until he loses 12 pounds. He's been living off of a diet of green beans mixed with dog food since August. Something is working. He lost 8 pounds in two months. Tonight, I even found his bowl enticing. He looked up at me with a quizzical yet, "#ainthavinit", expression on his little treat deprived face.

I'll be glad when this week is over. Next week, Kristie says we can have beans (we're still in negotiations about whether a smoked neck bone would be out of compliance). Bless you Kristie. Otherwise, I might have to fight my dog for that big heaping bowl of dog food and green beans. We know that works.

Day Four...

It Was Worth A Try





Is it Day Four already? Who am I kidding? I'm counting the minutes. I know. I know. No negativity! Speak Life! Just wondering...does anyone else have a headache? I can't think very clearly. Is there such a thing as chocolate withdrawal?

There is an upside. I cooked. It might not look like much, but it was a gourmet meal to me. That little one serving shrimp stew was like a party in my mouth. I guess we can have shrimp. Shrimp is fish...I think. I swear. I'm so hungry, I can't tell what food group fish belongs to. It took exactly 5 minutes to thaw and five minutes to sauté, add fresh spinach, tomatoes, Italian seasonings, Fennel Seed, ginger, garlic, crushed red peppers and a splash of coconut milk. It took less than that to slurp it down. Picture me hunched over the table with a spoon in one hand and the other protecting that bowl with the other, like a prison inmate.

I don't know why, but it sounded like a good idea to add coconut milk to shrimp. I might have read it somewhere. In my delirium, I just started throwing stuff in the pan. I liked it. The cooking, not so much. The mad scientist in me needed to be fulfilled. And, I'm still hanging in there.

I'm digging the smoothie recipes and the menus on Kristie's Face book page. The reminder to plan my meals comes right on time. It's such a simple concept. But, I almost forgot. Yesterday, I went to a meeting and I passed on all the yummy chips, turkey and cheese wraps and cookies. I passed on chocolate chip cookies. Thank goodness for the veggie tray. I survived...without the dip.

I am going to an all day U.S. Constitutional Law seminar tomorrow. I can't contain my excitement. (You don't really believe that, do you?) I will stay committed to my little bag of Boot Camp regulation foods and I will rush the veggie table at lunch.

What was I saying again....?

Get Your Ta-Tas In A Twist!



Happy Breast Cancer Awareness Month

 

Don't you just love Maxine? She's who I want to be when I grow up. I often consult her with the real problems I face in life...Like "Don't let aging get you down, it's too hard to get back up" and "Everyone seems normal until you get to know them". She's rarely kind but always honest and she means well. It's time to consult the sage, grumpy old gal again. It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month. So, do what she says!

 

This morning, bless her heart, Kristie (aka Caligula), gave us a new challenge. She's hearing all the whining on Facebook. Or maybe it's just coming from me. She told us all to "Speak Life"! No negativity! I usually try not to look at my cell phone until I'm already in my office. Who needs to deal with crap before your morning shower? These days, though, I find myself grabbing my phone (after I hit the snooze a few times) and looking out for a few words of inspiration. So, I actually managed to scribble a few words of thanks before I rolled out of the bed...late.

 

It's certainly the right thing to do. I have a lot to be thankful for. Those of you who know me, get that. Today, I was just moved to think about one other reason to "Speak Life". Many women can't. We're lucky enough to have each other to remind us of that. Stay healthy, eat clean, and GET YOUR MAMMOGRAM.

 

I don't know why Kristie picked the month of October. It's funny, I didn't hear anyone ask. I speculated why she picked 21 days in yesterday's blog. I'll take a guess. Could it be that we can use October to give each other the gift of encouragement and good health? I'll go with that. Why not? Apart from heart health, we know that healthy eating; fresh fruits, vegetables, Omega 3's, whole grains, low fat and exercise just might save us from one of the most deadly diseases that women face today.



 



Type "Breast Cancer and nutrition" on any search engine. I got this tidbit from BreastCancer.org:
"Although more research needs to be done on diet and breast cancer, findings suggest that physical activity, a healthy diet (particularly one low in fat and high in vegetables and fiber), and a healthy weight can help reduce the risk of breast cancer or the cancer coming back". http://www.breastcancer.org/tips/nutrition/reduce_risk/foods

That's good by me. I'm tired of making "Pink Ribbon" baskets. It seems like there is an ever increasing number of friends in my life with that horrible diagnosis. It's horrifying to hear someone you love say "I have Breast Cancer". It's even harder to realize that we are helpless. It's out of our hands. All we can do is give a hug, promise to help, make a basket of hope, and pray. If there is any one thing you can do to keep from hearing those awful words, wouldn't you do it? Doesn't it make sense to Speak health, Speak Friendship, Speak a Cure....Speak Prevention?!

Now, I know that I have a bit of a "chocola-tude" problem. I'm working on it. Let's do this. SPEAK LIFE. Lest you forget, your best friend's life depends on it.